i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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