you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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