u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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