I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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