sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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