Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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