I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
