we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
