I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
