FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Found your dick twin last night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
