my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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