Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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