I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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