quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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