The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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