i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I looked at my own cervix.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
