WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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