You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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