I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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