I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
