please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
