I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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