We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
