LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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