Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Holy sore nipples Batman
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
