..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I smell stomach acid.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
