Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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