I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
that may or may not have been my penis.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
