I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
