help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i barfeds in our rink
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
