Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
