you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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