Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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