I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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