OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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