i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
