Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
