oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
