dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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