I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
