she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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