all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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