i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
