Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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