you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
