So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
