She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
