i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
