it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
