finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
