too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
