i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
