I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
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I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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