Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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