p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
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you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
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she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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