She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I cockslap morals
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
