Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
