she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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