So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
