I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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