Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
