My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
