Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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