in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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