When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
