As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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