it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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