I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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