Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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