mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
