when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
