someone owes me an orgasm
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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