I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
