be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
