i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
