my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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