my mouth tastes like poor choices
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize