im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
