I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
