im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
