We're like a lot better than the average bears
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize