This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
