My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
